so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
