i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
