dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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