I wish my penis had an off switch
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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