did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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