he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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