do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
