I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
