seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
