I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
