I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
