I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE