i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day