Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.