People in love make me want to vomit
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.