Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
