I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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