Bisexual people are plain selfish.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
