lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
vagina is talking i cant
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
