I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
