i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I still have a little drunk in my system
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
