he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
