I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
