I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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