I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
