Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize