She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
