There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
