I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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