ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
