Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm jealous of your bromance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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