But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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