Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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