i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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