I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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