using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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