so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
