I want to make a zoo with you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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