Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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