I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
