i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
