youre lurking in front of me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
