Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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