we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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