everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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