An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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