So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
sex in a hospital.. check
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
