I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
