I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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