My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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