it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
