i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
