I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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