Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
