why do cheetos always look like penises
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
