he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
