If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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