i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
