I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
