i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
