What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
