I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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