i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
