He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
