I am spending my child support on dildos
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
