Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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