Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
