using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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