i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
