the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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